Cold
by Hikari Minamoto
Summary: Rin’s been feeling cold lately. Maybe it has to do with the freezing winter weather...or maybe it’s because she hardly feels human anymore. Abandoned and alone, the young girl barely knows what “human” even means. Can anyone help her remember? Oneshot


**Title**: Cold

**Author**: Hikari Minamoto

**Rated**: T (for profanity)

**Summary**: Rin's been feeling cold lately. Maybe it has to do with the freezing winter weather...or maybe it's because she hardly feels human anymore. Abandoned and alone, the young girl barely knows what "human" even means. Can anyone make her remember?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was cold outside.

Rin smiled and pulled her scarf up just a little higher. It was cold outside, and that meant that it was going to snow soon. Everyone knew that Rin loved the snow; even people who barely knew her knew that she loved the snow. It was all a part of who Rin was.

After a moment of searching the sky with large brown eyes, the girl let out a tired sigh as she began a long trek home – a trek that she made every day it seemed. She'd been spending almost all her time at the hospital these days. The war never failed to produce a surplus of wounded shinobi that needed comfort and healing. Rin, being the genius medical nin that she was, decided that this was where she belonged. This was where she could help the most. This was where she wouldn't be a burden.

The frosty air bit at her exposed skin, making Rin retreat further into the bundles of clothing heaped upon her waning frame. She hadn't had much of an appetite lately. It was hard to taste anything other than blood, smell anything other than blood, see anything other than blood. The other nurses would force something down her throat every so often, but that was the end of it. Minato-sensei was always busy with his new "duties" as Hokage, so there was little time to see to Rin's dietary habits. And well...he would have been the only one to care about that.

"_Samushi_ (cold)..." she murmured absentmindedly, kicking at an offensive rock in her path. "I need a thicker coat."

Rin looked up to wave at some old friend she'd once known but had grown apart from. She'd grown apart from a lot of things these days. Her friends, her co-workers, her comrades... It was sad how alone she was now, but the girl didn't seem to care. Her heart had frosted over in this icy weather it seemed. Ah well. Who needed comfort anyways?

"_Rin-chan!" _

The familiar voice echoed around the empty street, dancing in and out of the chilling winds. She immediately threw her hands to her ears in an attempt to block it out. "Go away. I'm tired..." she protested.

"_Rin-chan, what's wrong? Why are you so sad?"_ it pushed.

"Stop it." Rin felt ill as she continued on her way, her eyes a little glassy. She'd been assaulted by a fever last night, and it appeared to have returned for another attack.

"_Aw, c'mon! You used to tell me everything!" _

The girl sniffled in response. "I'm just cold...that's all." She pulled out the key to her apartment and unlocked the door. "Yes. I'm cold."

Rin threw her bag onto the floor before wandering into the kitchen. A couple sleeping pills and an ounce of sake was enough to warm one up, wasn't it? It had been a hard day today – much harder than usual. She wanted to forget. She wanted to sleep it all away until her next shift came around. Then, she'd repeat this whole damn process. Over and over and over. Would there ever be an end? Rin poured a few of the magic white capsules into her palm, then reached over for the bottle at the end of the counter. Ah...the best medicine of all. The perfect formula for forgetting pain. This...this was what she looked forward to every moment of her wretched existence.

A sudden knock at her door startled the girl into dropping both pills and bottle. The sound of shattering glass was magnificent. "_Kuso_!!" she swore vehemently, not caring who could hear her. Still muttering curses under her breath, Rin made her way over to the door and tiredly demanded, "Who is it?"

"Kakashi. Open up."

Her eyes widened fearfully. "I-I'm not decent. What do you need?"

She could practically hear him roll his eye. "Rin, I know you're lying. Open up or I'll break it down." Rin assumed that by "it", Kakashi meant her door. Not terribly interested in paying for a replacement, the girl sighed and obeyed. Kakashi was staring hard at her with his good eye, scrutinizing every detail (at least, that's what it felt like to her) when she finally faced him. "What were you doing in here?" he asked coldly, pushing past her and into the kitchen.

Rin instinctively jumped in front of the doorway so he couldn't go in. "Nothing. Now, what did you need?" she insisted with her quiet voice.

The boy narrowed his eye at her resistance. "I have orders." His own voice was bored and disinterested...as if she was a complete nuisance that had been forced upon him.

"I don't need you to baby-sit me, Kakashi-san," she told him coldly. "I'm sixteen. I can take care of myself."

"Obviously not if you've forgotten how to eat," he replied ten times more coldly than she had. It stung Rin even more so than the wind outside.

"Get out," she said. "You're not welcome in my house. Get out."

"Not until I know what you were doing in here."

"Get. Out. Now."

The young ANBU ignored the demand as he gently, yet firmly, pushed her aside and proceeded into the kitchen. Kakashi froze when he caught sight of the mess on her floor. Rin knew a lecture was stewing behind those mismatched eyes because of his utter silence. Great.

"You...have resorted to _this_?"

She shrugged listlessly. "So now that you know, get out."

"Rin..."

Her brown eyes narrowed dangerously. "I swear to God, I'll scream 'rape' if you don't leave. We wouldn't want anyone to doubt that precious 'honor' of yours, now would we, Kakashi-san?" she threatened, venom dripping off every word.

He stared at her in surprise. Rin was never like this. Since when had she become so caustic? Since when had she taken up these habits? Last time he saw her...well, when exactly had he seen her last? Kakashi had to think a little. Frankly, he couldn't remember the last time they'd spoken. It had been weeks, months. How embarrassing. "Rin-chan, don't do this."

"I won't if you leave."

"No, I don't mean 'scream'. I mean...this. All of _this_." He took a step towards her, but she backed away.

"Get away from me."

What? Kakashi blinked twice. "What's wrong with you? Why are you being like this?"

Rin was hungrily eying the puddle of mush on her floor. The capsules had melted into a sticky goo that would prove hard to scrub off. And the stench of sake...well, that would stay for quite a while she supposed. However, none of this mattered. All that mattered was that her comfort now lay spilled across cheap linoleum. What a waste. "I'm cold," she murmured absently, opening up her cupboard once again to rummage around for more "comfort".

Kakashi hesitated to speak. "You're...cold?" he began.

The girl nodded as she poured a few more sleeping pills into her palm. "When I sleep like this, I can't dream. I can't feel coldness. I feel...nothing." Rin's voice was wistful. Her teammate frowned deeply at this, and moved forward to stop her from hurting herself more. He found it strange that she didn't try to stop him from stopping her.

"Rin-chan, when I promised to protect you, I didn't think it'd be from yourself."

She fought back the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Kakashi couldn't see her cry. Not anymore. He'd seen her cry so much already...and he'd told her to stop it. It was childish – only babies cried. Only the weak. "Just leave," she rasped hoarsely. "I'm perfectly fine."

"No, you're not." The ANBU forced her hand open and removed the pills. "You're definitely not. You must be stronger than this, because this is how shinobi break. This is what separates _us_ from _them_. Understand?"

Who exactly was "us", and who exactly was "them"? Rin stared tiredly at her open hand, wishing he hadn't taken the pills from her. How had it come to this? How did things deteriorate so badly, so quickly? It was because she was cold. Yes, that must be it. She'd been cold for so long, she hadn't been able to see what was happening to herself. The girl needed the warmth and comfort of another. She needed to be touched. To be loved. To know that she could still feel something. To know she was still human. "Human"...what was that? Rin had lost any sense of what it really was.

"I'm sorry. I promise to be stronger," she patronized weakly.

Her teammate nodded and released his hold. "Good. I'll be back in a day or so."

Rin's eyes flitted to meet his in a questioning gaze. "W-Why?" she stammered, utterly confused as to why he'd waste more time here.

The boy turned his back to her as he retreated out the front door. "Orders," he said simply and then vanished.

Rin couldn't say she was sorry to see him go. That cold-hearted bastard - all he had were his orders. And yet...

She envied him with her whole heart.

Kakashi had been able to shut off his emotions with the flip of a switch. It was clean, it was easy, it was simple. No trouble at all. Now he could focus on being the genius shinobi that he was born to be. He followed orders no matter how horrific or terrible they might seem, and he did it without hesitation. He did it because he never questioned the almighty "orders". He did it because he had no heart anymore. Did Kakashi even feel emotion? Was there ever anything other than frowns behind that mask of his? Did his eyes ever crinkle in laughter or would they always wear that same languid stare day after day, month after month, year after year? Kakashi never seemed to feel the pain of loss and never seemed to notice the absence of a comrade. "Obito"...the name didn't even phase the ANBU anymore.

"_If only I could be so numb," _she'd mused quite often. _"Then I wouldn't have to feel so much pain."_

Rin listlessly shut the door and locked herself inside. Tonight...tonight she'd need an extra sleeping pill...

And maybe a few extra bottles of sake with which to wash it down.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Rin."

What the hell? "_What_?!" she mumbled incoherently, pulling the covers over her head. Who had the audacity to wake her at this God-forsaken hour?

"You halfwit. I knew this was going to happen."

She forced her bloodshot eyes wide-open, recognizing the voice now and hating it with a passion unknown to man. Only Kakashi would be so rude to wake her with a lecture. "Kakashi-san..." came the groggy accusation. "It's you."

He stood at the foot of her bed with his arms folded, ANBU mask tilted just enough so she could see his good eye. The boy seemed rather perturbed, but it was his own fault. He'd come in without an invitation, hadn't he? "You _reek_ of alcohol..." he stated icily.

Rin groaned and tried to tell herself that this was all a bad dream. Kakashi wasn't really here and it really wasn't seven in the morning.

Shit.

The girl yelped, flinging the covers off and leaping to her feet. The sudden movement and burst of light made her see stars, but there was no time for self-pity. As it was, she was already late for her first shift at the hospital. "Shower...coffee...clothes..." she muttered, rummaging about her drawers for a new, clean-smelling outfit. Kakashi had been right – she did reek of sake. "That was stupid – _stupid_! You should have set your alarm clock you moron..."

A forgotten Kakashi lazily watched the near-comical scene come to a close as Rin flew into the bathroom and slammed the door shut in one fluid motion. "Idiot..." The boy still had something to tell his teammate, but since she was...preoccupied, he would have to wait around it seemed. Wonderful. The ANBU meandered around the tiny room, eye roaming aimlessly about until something caught his eye:

Their team picture. Overturned.

Slightly interested, Kakashi set it upright again, wondering all the while why she'd be so careless as to let it fall over. Oh? And what was this? Looked like hospital hours. He scanned the paper quickly, his frown turning into an indignant glower. "_Ninety_ hours?" he echoed. The boy couldn't believe this. Ninety hours a week for almost two straight months – it was insane! He'd had no idea she worked so much. This had to stop. Rin had never been an incredibly strong kunoichi. Kakashi knew she could snap if enough pressure was applied, and this seemed to be doing the trick.

"What do you think you're doing?!" her voice protested from the bathroom doorway.

Kakashi's good eye shot up to meet Rin's. Well, that was quick. "We need to talk."

The girl patted her hair with a towel, attempting to dry it as best she could in thirty seconds. "Later – I'm late for my first shift today. Catch me in a week or two, ne?"

Was she serious or joking? "I have my orders," he stated indifferently. "The hospital will have to understand if it's 'official' business." Rin threw on her coat and bag as he spoke. She didn't seem to really care too much, which in turn made Kakashi rather annoyed. "Are you listening?"

The girl continued to ignore him as she exited via the front door. This was almost too much. The ANBU body-flickered himself in front of her, just so she knew he was serious. Yet, Rin only shoved past him once again. Kakashi decided enough was enough. He roughly whipped his hand out and snatched her by the arm, forcing her to face him. The boy was surprised, though, to find she was not afraid...but merely as indifferent to this as he might be. It rather scared him quite honestly.

"What is it?" she sighed tiredly, dull eyes conveying clearly she'd given up at this point. Kakashi tried to ignore her behaviors, but it had been faithfully eating at him since last night.

Was this girl...dying?

He scanned her soft face for any signs of illness, which might be contributing to her unusual demeanor. This wasn't Rin. Rin was always sweet and kind, always willing to go out of her way for you, always demure and gentle. This girl before him was bitter. She was harsh and callous. She was desperately crying out for something – was it attention or maybe help?

"You're sick. Stay home from work," he commanded tonelessly.

Rin only shook her head, a smirk playing upon her features. "I can't. Just like you can't 'stay home from work', I can't either. When the war is over, then...then we can be human again."

The ANBU was slightly confused by her last phrase. "What do you mean?" he asked her.

"I just...I don't know, Kakashi-san. I hardly feel like myself anymore."

He looked away slowly, knowing full well how she felt and yet not willing to share that with her. "You must overcome your insecurity," was all he could offer. Kakashi inwardly winced at his own words – they were so apathetic, indifferent. But...what else was he to say?

Rin's eyes widened slightly at his comment, as if disbelieving he could really be so cold to her. "Yes, I know," she replied after a moment. "You've told me before. I know." The girl removed her arm from his grasp, languidly turning away from him as she did so. "If you've finished your business here, leave. And please don't bother to visit me anymore...I hardly enjoy your company," Rin told him without emotion.

Kakashi felt oddly guilty over this last request. True – after Obito's death, he'd come to visit Rin every so often, just to make sure she was alright. To make sure she hadn't slit her wrists or overdosed like he worried she might. They were both so broken... But he'd stopped coming after being nominated for an ANBU position. Oh, Kakashi would visit every few months, but it was always an awkward meeting. They'd grown so apart, but at least he'd attempted to care for Rin. To watch her. Protect her. He'd assumed it was something she enjoyed. Hell, the girl practically worshipped him before...well, before all this happened. Now Reality had slapped him hard in the face. Rin really had changed, hadn't she? It wasn't the fever tinting her cheeks red, nor the hangover which clouded her eyes with pain. She didn't want to see him anymore – plain and simple.

"Rin," he protested. "You need help."

The girl rubbed her temples wearily, heading down the stairs and being followed closely by a certain ANBU. "No, I don't so stop telling me otherwise. I'm a medic. I think I'd know if I needed help or not."

"But—"

"Just stop it, already!" Rin whirled about suddenly, throwing Kakashi off guard. The two nearly collided, but thankfully the boy had the reflexes of a cat. His teammate didn't seem notice however, and continued with what she had to say. "Stop pretending to care! Stop pretending to feel sorry for me! I don't need your pity. I don't need your attention, so just stop. Let's both just stop pretending that we're comrades or even acquaintances. It would have been nice if you'd given me this much attention after Obito-kun died, but I think it's a little late now, Kakashi." Her soft brown eyes began to water, but she choked back the tears in an effort to stay strong. The silver-haired boy shuffled his feet nervously, unsure of what to say in reply. Her words...they stung. "I'm so cold," she whispered. "I can hardly feel you there anymore..."

"No," he said quietly. "I'm still here, Rin-chan." She was cold? He would warm her, even if it meant being a little weaker for her sake. Even if it meant turning on those emotions which pained him so greatly. Even if it meant opening up just a bit. Kakashi would do it to save her. He couldn't let this happen to Rin – he'd promised Obito to protect her through life and death, even at the cost of his own life.

Rin mumbled something at his words, making Kakashi lean in closer so he could understand. "I'm late," she repeated so he could hear it.

"...Oh. I see." Was work all she thought about? Couldn't she see that he was _trying_ to comfort her somewhat? That he was _trying_ to heal her wounds? No. No, Rin couldn't see that it seemed.

Sensing his irritation, the girl dipped her head in a little bow. "I'm sorry. I just...want you to mean it. I don't want you to force it out like that. It only hurts more, Kakashi-san."

"But I did mean it," he told her. "Even if you don't see me all the time, I'm always around, Rin-chan." Her brown eyes looked a little frightened at this. Kakashi didn't understand why for a moment until he quickly sputtered out, "No! I'm not like a stalker or anything!"

The girl slowly broke into a crooked grin. "Then what did you mean?"

"I just...check up on you every now and then. At the hospital, while you sleep, when you walk home alone every night...I know you have bad dreams, and I know how the patient in room 341 irritates you to no end. And I know how cold you are during your walks home – how you need a thicker coat to keep the chill away, right?"

"...That's still really creepy."

Kakashi sighed and crossed his arms. "I'm _trying_ to watch out for you," he told her tonelessly.

Rin smiled a broken smile – one that pained him to see – and adjusted her scarf a little. So Kakashi really had cared? He really did feel _something_ towards her? She hadn't been forgotten by the world? Even if it sounded a little creepy at first, the girl knew that's how her teammate was. Subtle. He'd never admit to something like this except for in the most desperate of situations. Was this one of those? Rin hadn't been able to tell how bad things had become. "Kakashi-san?"

"Hn?" he glanced over at her, silver eyebrow arched questioningly.

"Thank you. You really are...human."

"Who said I wasn't?"

The girl shrugged and turned to go. "Everyone, Kakashi-san. Everyone." She paused for a moment. "But I think you and I...we're not so different, are we? When you strip everything away – when you look past our physical appearances, past our abilities, our skills...we're both just cold, ne?"

Kakashi's lazy stare softened a little as she spoke. He ran a gloved hand through that silver mane of his, unsure of what to say now. "Yes, Rin-chan," he offered slowly. "I think so."

Rin looked at a clock near the end of the hallway. "It's almost 7:30 – don't you have to report to Minato-sensei? He gets to his office about now. And you do have your 'orders' fulfilled. I'm fine, so go."

The ANBU nodded and replaced the mask fully over his face. "But, Rin-chan?"

"Yes?"

"Just take better care of yourself, alright?"

"I'll try." That said, she watched him vanish just before her eyes. Rin sighed, continuing on her own way to the hospital now. That would probably be the last time she saw Kakashi for a few weeks, and today...today it felt oddly saddening. It was nice talking to someone – even if it was to a cold-hearted bastard like Kakashi. It reminded Rin that she was still capable of feeling at least anger or pain – that she was still human too.

She stepped out into the freezing air of the streets, struggling to keep her teeth from chattering together. The dull gray clouds hung low in the sky. It'd snow anytime now. The girl hurried towards the stark white building on the other side of town, coat pulled tightly around her small frame. Suddenly, a familiar face slowed her to a stop. "Minato-sensei?!" she called disbelievingly.

Konoha's Yellow Flash paused and waved before walking over at a leisurely pace. "Rin! How've you been? I haven't seen my little medic for quite a while now," he said with a smile.

"Oh, you haven't seen Kakashi-san yet then?"

"Um..." The Hokage looked confused. "No, I haven't seen him for a while to tell the truth. I had him out on a mission for about a month. The ANBU squad-leader reported that they'd returned just about a day ago, so I assumed he'd be resting until I summoned him for a debriefing."

Rin stared blankly at her teacher. "I see..." she began slowly. "Well, I guess I'll see you around, Sensei. I'm late for my shift."

He nodded and patted her on the head. "You might see me sooner than you'd like. Kushina's nearly due you know." Rin could see him struggling to contain the proud happiness that only a new parent knew. "They said 'any day now'."

The girl nodded, smiling softly. "I'll be there for the birth. Promise." As she turned and headed away waving once more, Rin couldn't help but let her smile grow. So...there had never been any orders? So now Kakashi was a cold-hearted, _lying_ bastard too. And yet...she loved him for it. Something cold brushed against Rin's face just then, making her look up to the gray expanse above the world. Snow.

The girl merely stood in silence, watching the soft flakes float down for almost ten minutes. "Beautiful..." she finally murmured. Remembering her tardiness just then, the young girl yelped and broke into a run down the street.

Though snow had begun to cover everything, and the freezing temperatures had frosted everything over...Rin had never felt warmer. She smiled as she ran, her once-dull eyes slightly brighter. "I swear...You're unbelievable, Kakashi."

And from a nearby rooftop, a certain ANBU – mismatched irises focused on the diminishing figure of Rin – also smiled, knowing no one could see it behind his painted mask.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

**Hiya! 'Tis Hikari once again. I felt like doing a one-shot, so...yeah. This was the end result. Since my other fic is focused mainly around Kakashi, I decided to do Rin a little justice. Anyways, it was supposed to be really happy-fluffy-cute, but it turned rather angsty-ish. Ah well. I'll try again in a little while I suppose. xD The ending wasn't so satisfactory, so maybe I'll change it...maybe I'll leave it. We'll see. So until later, I'll be finishing up my other KakaRin fic. Bye for now!**

**- Hikari**


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